Do you hate cockroaches?

I hate them. I really hate it when I see one of them at a kitchen or toilet, suddenly crawling up my leg without any warning and then even worse, when it flies with wings spread open.

You find them disgusting too, don't you?

However, what if I were a cockroach, trying to amuse a person? And then, it fails quite badly.

You see, life isn't really perfect - there are failures which you deserve because you did not try your best. Yet, there are some reasons why you could not try your best. Maybe there was something wrong with your relationship and you couldn't get it past your mind. You could not made up your mind because you were addicted to gaming and could not get out of that whirlpool of coaxing. Yes, things like these make you feel vulnerable, and start to think: "Why am I so bad in everything?"

Let me look at this matter with a cockroach's point of view.

I am a cockroach now. I was born in the sewage consuming this and that waste materials. I see so many awesome creatures up there in the limelight. Rats, cats, dogs, and then I see humans. Humans are the best creatures, are they? I search for the best path as I aspire to learn from them. I approach them with curiosity, trying to get a closer look, as I'm short-sighted. Then this person approaches me with a distorted look, fleeing away from me. Oh, I see.

Whenever I see a creature, I should be running away from it.

I try my best to run away, but my eyesight does not help me at all. Is it about something that I don't have? I have six legs and humans only have two legs. Why are they so agile? Oh, because they are big. I get pounced by a large item, and I feel extremely painful, but I still struggle to live by crawling up with my broken legs. And then, I try to fly - oh, broken wings. Now I wait for tissue paper to cover me and be part with the sewage once again, by going into that whirlpool of toilet bowl. My already bad vision gets even more blurry as I enter the water.

I tried my best to amuse someone very much but that person finds me the other way round. It was an abhorrence that the person found from me. People are born with strengths and weaknesses. I am born with strength of influencing other people with words, and with weakness of inability to influence myself with words I said. Basically meaning, I cannot keep my words. There is something very interesting about cockroach, and it is its longevity. Cockroaches are the creatures which reproduce rapidly and survive by coping with the surroundings. Living in dark places where you rarely visit, they consume matters which we rarely touch on.

My point is simple. Don't try your best to amuse a person, but do your best at what you are strong at. Look at that cockroach trying to be a human being. Yes, imitation is a good way to follow up, but copying every single movement will be a bad choice. There is no way cockroaches can live under light, nor suddenly grow big just like humans to run away faster with 6 legs. That doesn't happen in reality. We have to face it - failure is a failure, but do not be jealous of what other people are doing, and not follow their steps very closely that you lose your own colours. Life is not always full of happy episodes. It is indeed weird for you to find happiness and gratitude of life frequently in this society. You are failing and you do not know what to do? Let's wake up and face the reality. It's time to wake up. You are not a cockroach, but you can become one if you follow footsteps to failure.

Those who are proud of themselves and conceited over their strengths? Don't care about them! Just think of yourself in your own league, and try to imitate what they are doing, but not follow exactly what they are doing. You are different from them.

I'm not going to be in a relationship for at least 5 years.

Why? Simple! Because it isn't fun, and it's actually very serious.

I always feel that I am not handsome, kind-hearted, smart or muscular. There is nothing appealing of me yet and thus makes me feel so vulnerable when I come to a relationship. Once I start a relationship, I think I will plunge into despair because I'm really an emotional person, and someone already made me do so. She said that I cannot be forgiven, and I'm letting her go as well. As she really showed her true hatred towards me, I'm not going to be a bastard who approaches her and forces her to change. No.

Yes, I am a stalker. I agree partially because I stalked her Facebook for her birthday, but I've never done any kind of stalking to any girl (in fact, not even to guys) before, especially that someone, because I already knew that it would be damn scary for a young and short girl like her to see a big figure like me following her. I texted to her that day when I scared her behind the pillar at the bus interchange that I am really not stalking her to give her some reliance. But since it is no longer in my phone, I cannot prove it right, so this statement will not be valid. Whatever the thing is, she somehow thought that it was a stalking. I think this is because of what I've done to her. There were some things I've done wrong to her - I talked to her too comfortably. I could rely on her so much that I told her too many things honestly. And that's where a snowball begins to become a large avalanche - a thick, cold and despairing army of words which bruised me rather brutally. She developed a misconception on me.

I don't know why, but if you are a close friend with her, you should be telling her never to jump to a conclusion, because people around her gets affected a lot, and they cannot even prove her wrong if it happens. I mean, firstly, look at how demoralised I am. Actually, before meeting her, I thought I was fine, but I just felt inferior to her after encountering her and I didn't really think that I deserve her. What if I didn't meet her. Or what if I was more logical and better-looking. There are many hypothetical questions that ridicule me. But you know what's the reality? There are no what-ifs, only what-is, and it is damn obvious and clear, so it doesn't confuse me at all. What is this guy doing. What is he saying. What is he doing to that small young girl. What is, what is, WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM. Damn clear, really.

See, from my experience, starting a relationship is very painful and I don't think I can open my mind up to any woman around me. And the reason why I'm saying this is because there's no other woman who made me feel reliable on, except her. She really is a nice person, but it's just that she started not to like me one day. I hate how people change all of a sudden sometimes. That person becomes very unfamiliar and threatening, even if that person isn't really that unfamiliar or physically bulky. Hence, for at least 5 years, I'm not going to have a relationship. I am posting this so that there will not be any misconception on anyone saying that I'm a stalker who still likes that girl or anything. No, fuck you! I'm not some fucking rapist stalker and I'm not going to let anyone get influenced by some illogical behaviour of her towards me. I HATE STALKERS, MY GOD. AND I LOVE MYSELF. LOGICALLY THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE RIGHT. I say I am ugly and not generous but I like the way I am.

I will say this honestly. She is a nice person, she really is a nice person, and that's why I fell for her. Also because she's very pretty. Ha-ha. And yes, she is nice because she's a good person to talk to. She responds to you almost instantaneously, unless she has some lessons or doing homework. Even when you spam her on WhatsApp, she will still reply without much complaining, and I think that's the beauty of her. You will get a feeling that she'll always be there for you when you need her. I think you can ask her close friends about this as well. They will know more than me about this.

If you are aspiring to be her boyfriend, then please take note that she is a type of person who gets creeped out very easily. And if you are a tall, ugly and not good at talking, please train your speaking skill and body before talking to her. She likes muscular guys and smart guys. I wasn't. LOL. I mean, I also like muscular guys too! It's not like she's a slut who goes for those kinds of boys, come on. She isn't, really. Just talk to her one day. However, once she seeps into her own thoughts, it will be difficult for you to tell her that you done things wrong and ask for apology, because she closes up all possibilities. I am struggling to do so as well, and I am planning to do it after my O Levels. Just don't be stupid and spam her with saying sorry to her when she does not want to talk to you. Because I did that and she blocked me everywhere on SNS. HAHAHA. Dammit. What if I didn't... Oh wait. What is this. No! Reality time!

I don't know why but now when I come to think of it, we were quite incompatible, because I really sucked at whatever I did. I don't think it's her fault. I truly think that the problems were with me, and I will let the time heal this living wound. Someday, I will meet her again somehow, not even when I stalked her or anything, because Singapore is small. Then I just wish to say hi to her normally. That's all I want to do. I really wish her to have a nice boyfriend (I think he is apple and she was sensitive to not tell me about who that guy is) because she truly deserves a person who's so much better than me. And I wish she doesn't meet a bastard who creeps the fuck out of her. I'm always sorry that I didn't give a very nice impression of me to her. I thank her for always being such a nice person to me and others. I really like her as a person. Last but not least, even when she realises what she has done wrong (but I don't think she will because her hatred towards me is quite serious) and says sorry to me or whatever, I have no confidence to start a relationship, at least for the upcoming 5 years. Okay, let's be clearer. I will extend this to 1 January 2020. I just wish the world doesn't end so that I will be blessed enough to date with a girl. He-he.

To C:

Please take note that you will get some things from me after O Levels. Don't worry, there won't be any tracking GPS device. I'm seriously not a stalker lah, please. And whatever I said on Facebook about you... They may be true but the real truth is that you gave me good memories which made me open up to you even more than my close friends. You are so special in that way, so quit thinking that you're not. Because there will always be this old man here, looking up to you. Oi, don't think dirty, okay. Not that look-up lah! Sorry for letting my friends holding me when you walked out of school. They suck. HAHAHA. No lah, they are good friends but I just didn't tell them to stop doing it. My fault again. :)

I really wish you to have a very nice future boyfriend. Please take care, pretty girl!

Love, the most useless value when it comes to progressing - scientifically, theoretically and historically.

Let us question ourselves: What is love?

Love is a value that is generally depicted beautiful, heart-warming and also, heart-wrenching. Love is also associated very closely to heart, because it makes us feel nervous when we love someone, and when we confess love to someone we like and fail, our hearts sink. Of course, this is an abstract expression. I am not being logical to this because love is something out of logic. Love is also a very powerful value that can make us do something crazy and achieve our goals. At the same time, love can also be very shallow to this erotica level, which is called "lust." (YAY, LUST!!! No. I'm just kidding.) Lust is not love, but if you love someone, there is a possibility that you will have lust on that person, regardless of what sex chromosome that person carries.


Love is usually associated with heart, because it makes your heart beat faster in its presence. Opposite in its absence, however. It kind of stops your heart for awhile.

And love is a value that is very special to mankind, because we think that it is not present in animals or micro-organisms. What they are doing would be called mating and reproducing, but that is not love. It is unique in its definition. The funny thing is, love is not defined completely, because science does not work for love.

Here is the main question that Mrs Sui asked us to work on: "Is love the most important value?"

Personally, love is the most useless value if it is perceived from a reasonable perspective, but the most important value if it is perceived from emotional perspective.

Love is the most useless value in science, such as Physics and Chemistry. Imagine the world that there was no love in mankind, and we have no knowledge on this thing called love. Then we will become what we call the machines, the things without any feelings but working for the same objective. It may sound very extreme that I am using the word 'useless', and weird, because I am saying that we will become machines which have no emotions, but let me tell you - that is because of love.


Can you please talk properly?

It is normal to get confused at here. Please try to focus, as it is something that is very deep - without love, we will not be the humans that we all know. A creature without any emotive value, but only physiologically living in order to reproduce and dominate the whole universe. Yes, in terms of evolution, the large barrier that is obstructing humans from developing further into better intelligent beings is love. Love is a catalyst which makes us do things that are not logical. We will be automatons if we do not have emotions, just like what you see from Terminator.

  
Some movies that make us ponder on mankind's evolution. Terminator, Equilibrium, and Prometheus. (Coincidentally, they are all single word!)

Let me bring up some movies to add to this seemingly difficult topic. In Equilibrium, Christian Bale appears as a man who is extremely skillful at killing, and forming this city where dictation takes place, and one has to take an injection every day in order to 'kill' the emotions inside. The thing at here is that the person does not lose emotions completely, but there is no feeling of compassion. Of course, love is not something that exactly makes us compassionate, but imagine yourself spotting a beggar asking for money - what do you feel? The action of putting down a penny into that dirty, little can of the disheveled, hideous man is done out of love. Equilibrium also presents how emotions equating to rationality become so dangerous, as people become psychopaths who cannot function as proper human beings.

So, if we do not have any emotions, there is no love. Humans will just be the most dominant and intelligent beings all over the universe. This is depicted very well in Lucy of how dangerous a human can become, if brain surpasses our normal capacity.

 
Personally, I didn't really like Lucy, but for this topic, this movie can be used for reference purpose.

The reason why I am using movies to explain my point is to vividly describe to you how dangerous a person without love can become, but what if all humans have no emotions? That is something which is not possible (but maybe possible from some dictator, like Kim Jong Un), but theoretically speaking, it is going to be extremely efficient if we do not know what love is, because we will lose emotions and move on to viral beings multiplying our numbers.

 
Love will really be the most useless thing to the whole mankind, if we are viruses, just like ebola. Just imagine that you will feel sympathy for killing a person or an animal.

However, this may be the most useless point at the same time, because this is not practical at all. Is love something that we are going to lose? Probably in five billion years (that is when our Earth dies), but the funny thing is, humans can live around 100 years. Mankind, however, may be perished very soon. Just look at what the hell that Kim Jong Un is doing. That is because of love as well. For those who do not get my point, let me reiterate and continue in the next post on why love is the most important value for mankind as well.

My stand is: Love is the most useless value in mankind's development, evolution and reproduction (or maybe not. Since you will be in coitus and do some exciting push-pulls during that process). It is also the most potentially dangerous value that can destroy the whole mankind.

Now, let us look at this question from other perspective.