Sunday, 6 March 2016

Trying for things which can be done. Part 2

V is a type of person whose religious views are completely different from mine, and sometimes we have opinion clashes. I also had opinion clashes with my other friend who spilled the beans, but he couldn't listen to whatever I said. A lot of factors play when coming to listening of opinions. Firstly, it is about self-regard. If you think that you are good, most likely, you won't listen to others. And surprisingly, these people are very obedient to superiors. I might be doing that superficially, but most of the time, I'm not doing that inside, unless it is someone whom I respect a lot and those who listen to my wholehearted opinions and ideas. That is where I open up my heart, because those who don't listen to others don't deserve my attention. V always listened and replied to my views and they were very sincere, unlike some other guy who just said that he couldn't understand what I was saying. Basically, it's about respect - if you don't have this sense of respect for others, there is no proper communication.

I have always tried to listen out to people's opinions and always tried to do something better out of them. I wanted those who are not as good as me (but I am not that good either), or those who aren't very good, to be acknowledged and heard. I am always trying. True friendship is very important because you need one or two people whom you can trust and who they can trust as well. It is about balance. One person shouldn't feel envious of other one, but really encourage that person to be better. Yes, human's sin is envy and it can't be gotten rid of. Hence, we have to try. At least when we try, we see the efforts and we can know that that person is doing trying his or her best to change. When we try to really help others and support each other, that is where true personality comes in. At least if we try, we can be honest to ourselves that we have done something right.

V is wonderful. She's been wonderful throughout my journey in my school and she will be someone whom I can really talk to when I feel low. Thank you so much, V!

I like girls. I can talk to them in depth about what's going on and it feels more reassuring in that way. Most guys and men have this stereotypical mind-set that they must be strong mentally and physically, that they can support girls and be the pillar. This century is when sexual equality is going to be real. Maybe not worldwide, but at least some regions will seek some light on this issue of inequality, and lives will definitely change. There will be a time when girls and guys talk to each other without much discomfort, and with much respect to each other. I'm trying, and we all have to try for this. I don't love who I am right now, but I wish I can definitely love who I am in the future.

V is typically judgmental, sadly. I understand that she has her own views and I was also like that when things were not going well. It's not because I didn't try hard, but because things were just shaped in a way that I couldn't perform the best in some areas. However, reason why I'm focusing so much on assiduity is for the boost of self-esteem. I've never been so hopeful of things going around me even though they're becoming harder than anything else. Maybe it is a false hope but I really feel like it can be done this time, with a slight feeling of failure that might make me feel down. Still, I want to make a change in my life, and I hope she can make a change in her life as well. I wish her to try her best in her environment as well. I wish her all the best in her studies.

Life is seemingly getting tougher, but this is a part where we should find some comedy to relax. Life isn't full of tragedy, as it is a series of drama. We live in reality where we don't act at a totally happy or sad side. We mix them all around and that's how this society circulates. We strive for better to be good, and strive for the best to be better. We can never try our best, but we should never not try our best. I know I suck, because I'm not a very handsome guy compared to other Koreans out there. I'm not very good in studies. I'm not that great in singing even though that's what I like. I'm not good at talking, reading, writing and I am now laughing at myself, because I suck so much! Then now I realise, that yes, I'm good at laughing. I know I can make things positive and uplift the mood. I'm not sensitive enough but I can sense things around. This also reasons why I like this friend V.

She's extremely caring. Usually, when I talk to others in such lengthy sentences, people get bored or don't even reply to me. I sent her messages of thankfulness and sang a song (because that was my best ability, and yeah, it's also my favourite song), and she actually felt honoured for this. My friends would have found it so cheesy and shut me up for saying all these, but she kinda thanked me back for this. I don't know her true feelings about all these but I know that she's a better person than me in a whole, and she definitely deserves better. I really want to treat her as my best friend but I suck at friendship. (I am expert in friendzone, however! That's where plot twist comes in, and I sit down at corner weeping... Ah, LIFE!) She is probably one of the best people I've ever met so far, or maybe it's too early to say all these. Yet, she's a person whom I must treat the best and not lose. She will definitely be the person whom I'll need and I don't want her to stay away from me.

So, what should I do now? Yes. I must try my best to start talking less to her because she will find me annoying some day if I talk to her only. I must try to make her feel happy by, let's say, acting retarded in front of her. I must be someone whom she also can trust, but that will be quite hard because I think she trusts herself more than me. That should be normal for others but for me, the other way round is.

Thank you for reading this post again, V. No one else is actually taking time to read all these old-fashioned and boring posts, except you. Sometimes I wonder why you haven't slapped me or punched me hard in the face yet. Then now, I answer my own question: we should be closer to each other! :)

Let's try to punch each other.

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